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Observations & meditations on modern life

What are you moving towards?

One of the first thing I ask anyone walking into their first session is “what do you want?” What’s interesting is how many people are slightly taken aback by this question and the go-to answers tend to be:

“To not be anxious.”
“To not get angry.”
“To not feel like this.”

I then ask some people, “In an ideal world, how would you achieve that?” The answers are more often than not:

“For this person to stop doing this thing.”
“For this situation to be different.”
“I could be better if that person also did this.”

Now, I’m not by any means undervaluing these feelings. For me, any feeling has validity, especially in the context of having come to get help. Feelings are feelings, end of. There is simply no right and wrong. But for the sake of argument, let’s say that instead of saying “I want this person to stop doing this thing,” the response was “I want to get less wound up when this thing happens.” What’s the difference? The difference is that the individual who says the latter is taking control of their own emotions and is taking it upon themselves to feel better in a much bigger way.

No one else is responsible for how they feel which is important because ultimately, you can only control yourself. Nothing around you, nobody else. Just you. You can only have that ownership over your own feelings and nobody else’s. It sucks that there may be circumstances in which managing those feelings and emotions becomes difficult, but you can, and are able to, choose to respond in the way that YOU want to. Not how anyone else has made you. Yes, you may need help along the way because that’s natural and everybody does need help at some point or another. But don’t let circumstances control you, you’re more important than that.

Posted on Thursday, November 7, 2019
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