Observations & meditations on modern life

Relationships – Going Quiet

Have you ever just fallen off the grid for a bit? Or have you ever noticed that someone you used to speak to a lot has suddenly gone silent?

It happens more often than we think, and for many reasons. Suddenly we have that thought, “Oh, I haven’t heard from so-and-so for a while.” At this point, thoughts can spiral. It can be anything from “I hope they’re doing alright” to “How rude of them not to have picked up the phone in so long”. Both are valid, because I think all honest feelings have validity.

However, I always try to remind myself to think for a minute about the other person. If I’m offended that someone hasn’t picked up the phone in a while, I want to be the kind of person that questions it with compassion as opposed to bitterness. It is a two-way street after all, if I’m offended that they didn’t call, why didn’t I pick up the phone and call either? Equally, if I’m hurt that so-and-so hasn’t been in touch for a while, maybe they’re a bit low? Maybe they’re caught in a life whirlwind and whilst they don’t love me any less, it’s hard to keep sight of what’s on the outside when you’re in the chaotic spin of it all.

My point is that in any relationship, it takes two to tango and it is always about perception. It is so easy to blame the outside world and feel hard-done-by but wouldn’t it be a beautiful thing if we could take ownership over that sense of happiness? So do your bit, check in on the people you love if you notice they’re not quite there or reach out to the people you love if you can. It doesn’t have to be a case of stale-mate, especially when the only outcome of that is a lack of connection for everyone involved.

It’s not impossible to reinstate connection. Human beings are built to be connected, even if most things in the world are telling us to be as individual as we can. So don’t be scared to touch base with someone who means a lot to you, don’t be wary of reaching out to someone who you think has gone a bit silent. Nothing bad can come of a gesture with a kind intention.

Posted on Thursday, November 7, 2019
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Anjali Singh-Mitter | BA (Hons.), Dip. Hyp., Dip. CBT | GHR & GHSC, CNHC
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